Running…..Smokes,Devil Sticks, Fags…..

Grrrr

I stopped smoking almost 5 years ago…

I have had 2 lapses in that time .

Both were when I had been drinking alcohol and I smoked that night only…didn’t carry on next day.

I was guilty and ashamed , to be honest I felt like I had been unfaithful.

I really felt I had let myself down.

Weak, Weak, Weak…

The first time I had 2-3 smokes I think and maybe the same the next time….Exceptionally pissed err drunk…

Boy do the smokes call out then.

But lapses are a part of stopping I think..As long as that is what they are, a mere slip…

I hardly ever get cravings now, I get occasional smoke thoughts ( as I like to call them) but it is VERY fleeting.

Very very occasionally, when I am really stressed, I will think…”Hmmm, smoke would be good now!”

But I remember the bad old days as well and I don’t …..SMOKE!!

One thing that stops me from smoking again is that it was the HARDEST thing I have ever done…

I am scared I will not have enough in me to stop again.

You can!!

Seriously, I have said that many a time.HARD HARD HARD but doable!!

I say it not to be off-putting BUT stopping smoking is about being honest finally to yourself.

I would like to say, “yep, piece of piss… stopped no problem”…

In reality, nope, no way.

Did it get easier?

Yes, it did but at times, if I had been able to at the time, I would have dropped to my knees and cried with the frustration and the sheer want of a cigarette.

But I was determined that It would not beat me….

Never again will I let myself be addicted like that to anything….except running:)

You know, first you have to admit you are an addict and that is most of the problem…

Smokers don’t seem themselves as addicts…I didn’t. Addicts don’t see themselves as addicts…

I wasn’t a smelly dirty thieving junkie…

BUT I WAS !! I would have scabbed in the gutter for butts if I had to.

I did in our rubbish a few times…Elegant and charming behavior for a woman in her 30’s!! Nice!!

I liked smoking BUT I hated the hold it had on me and when I admitted that I was addicted and it controlled me, not the other way, then I was able to stop.

I really hated that I could not control myself in regards to smoking.

I told myself I was ok as I ran, watched what I ate etc etc….Ha  what a joke!!

You can’t imagine how much my running changed when I stopped smoking…

That’s when I really started running:)

My running saved me and my sanity.

Every time I wanted a smoke, off I would run…

RUN GIRL RUN…..

More tomorrow……

Oops…Today’s run 35 minutes this morning ….tonight 15 minutes run, 30 minutes elliptical and 15 minutes run home…

The short bursts of running seem to work…

Leg isn’t sore…

What did I say?

Piano, Piano….and it works…

Just end today with a little lightheartedness…below…a real favourite:)

Love IT!!

 

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One thought on “Running…..Smokes,Devil Sticks, Fags…..

  1. Pingback: Smoking Sticks | Jonathan Hilton

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