Actually today I think I hate everything.
It is one or maybe two of those DAYS!!
You know, where the black gloom rains down on you….
The black labrador becomes a black rottweiler and grabs you by the throat
Yep, it’s a meh meh meh meh day!!
Back to the brown liquorice for a minute, I really don’t like it.
Even when I don’t feel meh.
I don’t like the brown m and m’s either.
Lollies are supposed to be cherry and bright looking, not bloody ugly and depressing.
Purple m and m’s would be good, in fact I am very disappointed there is not a purple one.
Now you could say but chocolate is brown…welllllllll no.
Chocolate is chocolate and I don’t expect chocolate to be cheery, I feel cherry by eating it.
So I feel blah and meh….and even though I could stay in bed all day all meh like (well I can’t say in bed all day happily) I make my sorry for self get up and go for a run and to the gym.
But I still feel blah, in fact I feel worse.
So I cry on the side of the road, then I feel a little better. Madness!!
I know it will pass, everything does…I am full of wonderful clichés today:)
The thing is when you get in these depressive down swings, you think crazy things.
I do not mean suicide, nope, that is not me, I am lucky in that my depression is moderate…
But you just think stupid, stupid things and you tend to be obsessive about it and the thoughts go round and round getting sillier and sillier…
And you get gloomier and gloomier….At the time though, it is all VERY clear and coherent.
But later I think “OMG, why in god’s name do I think this?”
I also pray I have not said anything about what evil lurks in the recess of my mind at that time!!
My current favourite thoughts are my husband wants to shag his brothers girlfriend, my husband will get sick of my craziness and leave…
Those bitches at his work are probably trying to shag him, my husband will leave, my husband will leave and so on and so forth….
Err you can see the general thought pattern today..
My husband thinks “For fuck’s sake, I don’t have time to eat breakfast let alone shag other people or pack a bag to leave!!”
Hmmm bit of a worry at times but what do you do?
You just carry on….and I don’t mean that in a harden up, chin up type bullshit as that doesn’t work…
You just keep on trucking…or running 🙂 or put on the happy socks even though it’s a zillion degrees!!
How can these not make you feel happy????
So todays Janathon…done but not the world’s best effort today I am afraid.
4km , 22 minute run to the gym and back…a slight crying intermission on the way home:)
45 minutes weights and DON’T FORGET!!!!
15 minutes of the bastard Core plan I showed you yesterday!!!
Just in case you forgot!!
You don’t escape that easily!!
RUN TONTO RUN!!