You all know what I mean if you run…
It occurred to me that depression has a wall too.
You think it’s all good, in the home stretch (sometimes you get real cocky and think maybe its gone for good) and you have enough in the tank BUT you hit that wall.
The wall that no matter what you do, will not go.
No carbo loading, training, no nothing works, you need to start again and rethink what went wrong or what you can change.
It reminds you not be a smart arse and once again you think you WILL not get past that fucking wall.
And like with running, the wall affects you physically but to get past it, you need to be mentally strong.
People say you can choose not to think ugly things or choose to ignore the action that starts the depressive thoughts BUT the reality is sometimes you can’t.
Evil thoughts niggle at the back of your mind, even when you CHOOSE to think of a happy option and the downward spiral thinking begins…
You think people are taking the piss, or making a fool of you and you think no matter what you do, it is never ever good enough.
It is hard to get out of that, negative, ugly, at times ridiculous thought pattern.
It’s tiring to play out these stupid “what if’s” or “that person hates me ” games constantly in your head.
So I run, and run and run and run some more but it stays..
People think I run to be skinny, ha ha ha…
Cake may have saved Marion Keyes but running saves me.
and a bit of Greedybread!
I run because I may just outrun the black dog .
Running makes me feel good because running never judges, running never compares, running never makes you think you are worthless…
I often think if I ran away from my life, would I still be depressed ?
I know when I start looking at Italian villages to live in again and working out visa costs, its crap!
If I just booked a flight and left…
My training has gone to the crapper this week…not running wise..
I have been running every day , so 8-9 km x 4 runs.
All other training has been zero, zero, zero!!
My eating has been atrocious which is not helping me .
I feel like piggy girl.
Yesterday was panettone, licorice and too much pasta….
Today, all I ate was panettone…DIVINE but not the best to go on…
Hubbys mother is coming over for dinner on Sunday….
Sancepolco, Lucca, Bolzano or Torcello are all looking mighty fine!!
Roll on Monday!!
RUN TONTO RUN.
P.S: Things seem to be coming along swimmingly well on the moving into self employment front!!
Lots of excitingness to report….
Only 6 days left of Jenny Craig.
Tomorrow, Tomorrow, There’s always tomorrow….